To be completely honest, the majority of this post has been written in moments of insecurity. In moments where I don’t feel like I’m enough. In moments where I feel like I don’t measure up to the unspoken standards in my life. In moments that I struggle with doubting my potential and whether I can live up to the expectations of people or (more importantly) the plans of God.
So why would I think it’s a good idea to publish all these moments and reveal that as much as I like to pretend to have it all together, I really, really don’t? Maybe it’s because I’ve lost my mind (real possibility), or maybe it’s because I’m guessing I’m not the only one who struggles with insecurity.
But y’all the biggest reason I want to write this is because this is life. Sometimes life is great and everything works out exactly the way you want it to, but other times life can absolutely kick you in the rear end…and then kick you one more time just to be sure you felt it. It’s with this in mind that I need to remind myself (and anyone willing to read this) that even in the dark corner of insecurity and comparison and uncertainty, there is God.
“For in Christ lives all the fullness of God in a human body, and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority.” – Colossians 2:9-10
“I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge–that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” -Ephesians 3:16-19
So with these verses, here’s what I’ve been reminding myself of:
Because God is full, I can be too–not by my own abilities, but by His.
Because He is faithfull. Because He is wonderfull. Because He is all-powerfull. Because He is mercifull. Because He is full of hope and joy and love and patience and kindness and goodness, I can be too.
To clarify: He is full, 100% complete, lacking nothing, needing nothing. And He is mine. He is my God, my Savior, my Lord, my Comforter, my Guide, my Maker. In His fullness there is no room for insecurity and no desire for comparison. God has made every effort to pursue my heart and pour Himself into me so that I could experience the fullness of Him who stopped at nothing–not even death–to make me His own.
God, in all His fullness, chooses me. He wants me and calls me His beloved and His child. He offers to fill me with all of Himself–His love, His grace, His strength, His presence– knowing all too well that I am not even worthy of a drop of His sweat. Knowing that I will never in my own power be deserving enough to call on His name, He calls mine. Hallelujah. There is nothing more powerfully secure than this.
ps- if you have similar struggles, say these words to yourself as if you had written them. Lift up your cup (aka-your heart), watch Him fill it up, and then watch it overflow with all that He is.